Being assertive is most essential skill to be developed . It takes lot of practice and determination to develop assertiveness.Being assertive helps one to express what they want without affecting the others and get ourself free from the sense of guilty for our action .It helps one to take control and be responsible for what ever they do .
Most of the people fall into following categories ,Passive and Aggressive. Lets briefly analyse each behaviour.
Passive : Passive people are more worried what other people think about what they do , They are more concerned about others then their own . Frequently they fall victim to aggressive people , they never speak up just because the other might not like them . They consider being good to others will make them popular.
Aggressive : Aggressive people force things they want , they don't consider what the other feel abut their behaviour .They use their authority or threaten people to get things done .Aggressive people continues to do this since they get what they want .But they don't realise that they are gaining silent enemies whom they are not aware of due to their aggressive behaviour.
We are passive or Aggressive due various factors that surrounds us , way we are brought up , our friends ,society . In Indian society we are always told to respect elders ,be courteous , be good to all .This lead us to a passive behaviour and we continue to please others at the cost of our own comfort and liking.(the same point i mentioned on of my entry "saying-yes-when-one-should-say-no" ).
There are different ways of using assertiveness depending upon the situation.Here are the few .
- Keep expressing the same point until you get it done .Ex: If some is not moving there files from your desk and makes excuses for days .keep them telling again and again.
- When u get some advice u don't want to agree but at same time u want to avoid any conflict ,be assertive by agreeing the point and don't commit to implement it .Ex: If someone tells long hair is not good for u .. tell them just" may be and i will think about Ur suggestion."
- Tell them what they are going to face to face if they continue doing the same .If you are feeling hurt due to some one's behaviour tell them they hurt you directly and it may cost them your relation .
- Arrive at some mutual beneficial solution when there difficult situation you cant avoid .Ex: If Ur colleague wants to go home early due to unavoidable work and asks u to do the remaining work ,tell him that he should do same when you want .
- Don't take the blame for others .. make them responsible for their action.
- When u have done something really wrong accept it rather than false argument , which would make the situation worst.
- Never ever criticize the person . Concentrate only on what is wrong rather than who is wrong.
Above are only a few points ,there are lot to practice .
The main objective is to speak out and to avoid "what if i spoke kinda "feeling .
"you deserve what you want only if you determined to get it "
