My Prayer !

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers
but to be fearless in facing them.

Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain
but for the heart to conquer it.

Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield
but to my own strength.

Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved
but hope for the patience to win my freedom.

Grant me that I may not be a coward,
feeling your mercy in my success alone;
but let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.

- Rabindranath Tagore

Being Assertive !

Being assertive is most essential skill to be developed . It takes lot of practice and determination to develop assertiveness.Being assertive helps one to express what they want without affecting the others and get ourself free from the sense of guilty for our action .It helps one to take control and be responsible for what ever they do .

Most of the people fall into following categories ,Passive and Aggressive. Lets briefly analyse each behaviour.

Passive : Passive people are more worried what other people think about what they do , They are more concerned about others then their own . Frequently they fall victim to aggressive people , they never speak up just because the other might not like them . They consider being good to others will make them popular.

Aggressive : Aggressive people force things they want , they don't consider what the other feel abut their behaviour .They use their authority or threaten people to get things done .Aggressive people continues to do this since they get what they want .But they don't realise that they are gaining silent enemies whom they are not aware of due to their aggressive behaviour.

We are passive or Aggressive due various factors that surrounds us , way we are brought up , our friends ,society . In Indian society we are always told to respect elders ,be courteous , be good to all .This lead us to a passive behaviour and we continue to please others at the cost of our own comfort and liking.(the same point i mentioned on of my entry "saying-yes-when-one-should-say-no" ).

There are different ways of using assertiveness depending upon the situation.Here are the few .

• Keep expressing the same point until you get it done .Ex: If some is not moving there files from your desk and makes excuses for days .keep them telling again and again.


• When u get some advice u don't want to agree but at same time u want to avoid any conflict ,be assertive by agreeing the point and don't commit to implement it .Ex: If someone tells long hair is not good for u .. tell them just" may be and i will think about Ur suggestion."


• Tell them what they are going to face to face if they continue doing the same .If you are feeling hurt due to some one's behaviour tell them they hurt you directly and it may cost them your relation .


• Arrive at some mutual beneficial solution when there difficult situation you cant avoid .Ex: If Ur colleague wants to go home early due to unavoidable work and asks u to do the remaining work ,tell him that he should do same when you want .


• Don't take the blame for others .. make them responsible for their action.


• When u have done something really wrong accept it rather than false argument , which would make the situation worst.


• Never ever criticize the person . Concentrate only on what is wrong rather than who is wrong.
  
  Above are only a few points ,there are lot to practice .
  
  The main objective is to speak out and to avoid "what if i spoke kinda "feeling .

"you deserve what you want only if you determined to get it "

Art of listening !

How many times we repeat the same idea that some one had told in the same meeting just minutes before .. . How many times in a conversation we ask pardon me ! How many times we are prejudice about a discussion just because we don't like the person we discuss with .Sounds familiar ....
Listening to someone conveys more message about you than you think. It shows how much you respect , how much u care about what they talk .It helps you to build trust with others .

Following point would help in better listening.

• Be prepared to listen and concentrate on the message not on the person who is saying it .


• Don't multitask .. try chatting and speaking on phone at same time.. see yourself how much u understood on the conversation over phone .. and worst thing is person on the other end can easily know u are not actively listening.


• Take some notes on the discussion unless you have extraordinary memory to remember everything.


• Clarify what you understood , nothing is worst than wrong interpretation of the message.


• Look at the person who is taking ,this makes the person understand that u are listening.


• Don't jump to conclusion ..if u are not sure ,ask for time to decide on the result of the discussion.

Purpose of life !

Many people discuss and debate a lot about the ultimate purpose of life .There are many purpose though .. being dedicated to career , to family ,to the society , to god and so on .. one common thing among the people who found their purpose is that they know what they do , what they are good at ,their strength ,talent and follow the path which makes full use of their potential.

When we all know that we are going to die one day or the other what is the point in living a safer life ? Life is a chance for everyone to explore everything in ones life not just stick to single safest position.After all there is nothing called safer region, itz only imaginary.

But what prevents us from breaking out of the routine ? itz our fear ,fear of failure ,If life is smooth always there is no joy in living it .. challenges widens our capability ,our knowledge and makes us strong .. what i would say is.." when you feel that you are at most comfortable stage in your life ,then itz time to break it and find new challenge."

Unless u loose the vision of shore u cannot explore the sea !

Life was never meant to be a struggle....

Is life really meant to be struggle .. answer is Big No. We all believe and accept that "there is no gain without pain " it is not true always .Think of our primary school days .. how much worried we were ??? Going to school and exams were fun,Absolutely no worry at all ..right !! and our worries started growing as we grew .. to get more marks ,to top in the school rank list ,get admission in good college .. get a good job.. even if we get a job getting good project , on site ,hike .. it continues ..
Worry is not bad ,we worry for right reasons ,it drives us to reach our goal . But we should attain our goal by putting effort not by struggling. The understanding of difference between effort and struggle is the most important thing to lead a happy life.

Its very strange in our society that appreciates struggle .. I have seen many occasion where a good work is not given much importance.. when it is done on time without much struggle , all it means is that the work was so easy.... it is not always true . A set of right people for the right job can always do the job efficiently than the others.

See the nature .. do u see any instance of struggle? .. Does the tiger in the forest get up in the morning and say, "I'll struggle like crazy today and hopefully by suppertime I'll get something to eat"? No way. It just rises, has a little sniff under its tiger armpits or does whatever tigers do at breakfast time, and heads out. "Life was never meant to be a struggle, just a gentle progression from one point to another, much like walking through a valley on a sunny day."

To put it simple ...Struggle is when Tigerwoods is expected to win F1 race , When Micheal Shumi tries to beat Viswanathan Anand ..

Here are the few points i can think of avoiding struggle:

• Set realistic goal.
• Do what u are best at .
• Spend according to Ur earning.
• Don't try to please all .
• Accept whatever you are . Each one in this world is unique and special .
• Don't compare yourself with others who is not in the same level .
• Get rid of your ego.
• Don't worry about what others would think about you.
• Be what you are .

See yourself moving easily towards your final goal -- total freedom, exquisite happiness, absolute calm.

I remember the donkey story shared by my previous manager... it was really good one .Story goes something like this .. "There was a washer man who had 2 donkeys A & B , Donkey A wanted to impress his boss and tried to take more loads than it can .. and Donkey B did took what the best load it can . Over time boss got impressed by Donkey A gave him more food and pushed more and more load to him ,while he understood Donkey B doesn't carry much than it can ,he didn't disturbed him rather got rid of him thinking that it is unproductive.Over time Donkey A couldn't sustain its performance which is beyond its capability and died ."

- I Guess the story doesn't need any explanation :-)

A Better way of living !

I have started a community to help each other in solving our problems . Join if you find itz usefull to you.
Here is the link.
http://www.orkut.co.in/Community.aspx?cmm=49491972

Be like a DOG !

Friends are the best people one can have ever in their life.I can't imagine a world without them .They are the one who are sharing your joy and sorrow and help you in difficult times ,they are next to your parents and relatives sometime more than them. True friends are definitely the best assets one can gain in their life .

Having said that , have we ever thought how to be a good friend and how to gain new friends.The best teacher to make friends is their next to you and me .Yes he is our great DOG .Whats so special about this pet animal ? He is the only domestic animal who doesn't have to do anything for living ,Hen has to lay eggs ,Cow has to give milk where as he lives by giving true love , unconditional love... he can make more friends than you or me .When you are angry u shout at him ,sometime beat him yet he comes back to u and loves you. They are always glad to see us when we are back home , they jump with joy ,does many things grab your attention ,day after day...
All of us would love have the cute dog like the one which is shown in the vodofone advertisement - He brings the socks when the little girl was searching for it ,brings her the tie which she has forgot to wear to school... really nice isn't it ?

We have to learn from our pet dog .Be unconditionally and genuinely interested in people ,do good to them ,by this way you gain their friendship and trust. Think of all the support and help your friends have extended to you , make conscious effort to talk with them ,and take every opportunity to help them.

After all " A friend in need is a friend indeed "

Learnings from Wimbledon 2008

After winning 5 Wimbledon titles in a row ,Roger Federer was all set to create a record in Tennis history by winning this year's title too. Whole world was anticipating his victory but Nadal smashed all his hopes and won a spectacular ever Wimbledon men's title this year.
Inspite of his last two defeats in Wimbledon finals Nadal never lost his confidence and belief in himself . Obviously his previous failure would have been running in his mind before he entered this final ,but he learnt from his previous defeats came back into the game splendidly .

In normal circumstances any ordinary individual would have lost his hope of winning against a person who has become the Master of Grass Court Tennis and one would have lost simply because of his lack of confidence and fear. To win in any given challenge one has to have belief in himself and his ability .


I still remember what our Principal ad viced us a week before high school examination " Some people are gifted by god with natural talent ,they do things with less effort and with ease ,does that mean all others should giveup their hopes to compete with the high performers ? No ! For instance if a talented person takes 2 hrs to study a subject others may take 4 hrs or 8 hrs to complete the same ,by putting additional effort we can equal them " .

It took 2 years for Nadal to overcome roger , his hard work paid and he proved himself in Grass court also.
Failures are only a setback in our journey to our goal ,we should not pull our self back from moving forward rather learn from our failures and move ahead.
Remember - "A man is sum of his thoughts "

How I.T Works ....

Here is a link which beautifully captures the present I.T industry scenario. Check it out.
http://msrpages.blogspot.com/search/label/K7-goes-to-work.

Saying Yes When One Should Say NO...

How many times in your life you have said "No" when some one whom you love and respect says you to do something that you don't agree ... Say your choice of education , choice of profession ,food , your marriage . I am sure very few would have said .

We always think that decision made by elders ( say father ,mother ,aunt ...) are always right and we seldom challenge them .Of course they think for our betterment only and why should we not take their advice ??. I am not saying we should not but one should take that with our own judgement .This is the problem with most of the parents or elders who thinks their decision will help their children without even asking them about their consent and even bad thing is they feel that they are not respected if we go against or even challenge their decision. What this leads to ? we will loose our ability to make decisions .We think our teachers are always right ,our boss is always right .. even if they are not right we don't challenge them..

All of us learn by our bad experiences ,by our mistakes not by our success . . Unless you make the decision ,you cannot fail or succeed all by your own ,u always have someone whom u can blame or praise for whatever they have done to you.

So whatever be the decision Big or Small .. think about it ,analyse about pros and cons and finally accept or reject it . Disagree in a way people could accept and understand your view . When you have decided "Just Do It " and don't think about the decision again .

Sooner you Fail.. Sooner you will reach the Success.